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NHS reforms to be allowed to ‘die with dignity’
David Cameron has confirmed that the government’s NHS bill will have its life ended by politician-assisted suicide. ‘We tried everything to save it,’ said Mr Cameron, ‘but the condition is terminal. We...
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Groupon voucher offers massive discount on Dignitas trip
A number of complaints have been raised after the latest Groupon discount coupon was published online offering a 70% discount on assisted suicide at the Swiss clinic Dignitas. Carol Poindexter from...
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Gas companies to compete on smell
E.On is experimenting with fresh coffee. British Gas is going for lemon zest. And N-Power invites you to a field of lilacs. In the ever competitive world of energy pricing, gas companies are enhancing...
View ArticleFailed Jihadists offered Dignitas alternative
Jihadists who fail to complete their missions of martyrdom are to be offered an innovative new exit strategy designed by Dignitas, the world leader in assisted suicide. Several packages are available...
View ArticleUK economy demands ‘right to die’
It has emerged that the UK economy may voluntarily choose to die with dignity. Although currently illegal, a new campaign hopes to enshrine ‘the right to perish’ in UK law just before Article 50 is...
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Swiss man to travel to England to end life in NHS hospital
A Swiss man paralysed five years ago in a skiing accident has chosen to end his life early in the UK after shunning the local suicide clinic a few minutes drive from his home. ‘I want to end my...
View ArticleOver-50s life insurance ‘just a front for Dignitas’
The National Crime Agency is investigating an alleged scam involving older people taking out over-50s life insurance shortly before flying one-way to Switzerland, armed with nothing but a small...
View ArticleObama, Bush & Clinton to be injected on TV – but is the death penalty too much?
All three former Presidents have volunteered to be vaccinated on TV, although most US citizens are happy to swap the vaccine for something ‘a bit stronger’. While most say they favour injection, 26%...
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